People

Nicole Louise Harper - Boss
Nikki claims not to drink much but falls over a lot.  She likes cleaning, roast dinners and drowning kittens.  She is completely imaginary.

Head Boy - Max Dando
Max is named after his pet dog and is made entirely from dough.  

Fish

Clearly the brains behind the operation despite the fact that we've got through about 12 of them in the last month.

Other disturbed individuals -

Darren, Helin, Mattie (Carling's calling), Shannon, Sophie, Nettie, Jess, Gwen, Jody, Shell, Jasmine, Jan, Charlie, Paula and Hollibobs - all of whom have ASBOs and some of whom can write.

A horse walks into a bar................................